Chicken Masala Pizza

One of our local pizza places likes to come up with new, funky pizza ideas---example, Popeye vs Dracula---a pizza with a garlic butter sauce, with tons of garlic thrown on top the sauce, and covered with spinach and feta cheese. It's delicious. Their most recent invention is a Masala pizza, with all the flavors of India packed into a masala pizza sauce, topped with chicken, mozzarella, red onions, and peppers. We have been thinking of making a similar pizza, and last night we were too tired to even think of cooking so we thought about ordering their pizza and giving it a try. Then it struck us that we could totally do this ourselves.


So we did.


Chicken Masala Pizza (I can definitely see tofu being subbed in, though, if you're into that)


Masala "Pizza" Sauce*:
adapted from Bobby Flay


2 tablespoons ghee or canola oil

• 1/2 medium yellow onion, halved and thinly diced

• 2-inch piece fresh ginger, peeled and finely grated

• 2 small jalapenos, diced tiny

• 3-4 cloves garlic, finely chopped

• 1- 1 1/2 tablespoon(s) tomato paste

• 2 teaspoons smoked paprika

• 2 slightly heaping teaspoons garam masala

• 1 (28-ounce) can plum tomatoes, pureed until smooth

• Honey

• 1/4 to 1/2 teaspoon cayenne powder (depending on how spicy you like it)

• Salt and freshly ground black pepper

• 1/2 cup heavy cream

• 1/4 cup half and half

• Chopped cilantro leaves

Heat the ghee/canola oil in a medium Dutch oven over medium heat until it begins to shimmer. Add the onion and cook until soft and lightly golden brown, about 5 minutes. Stir in the ginger, jalapeno and garlic and cook for 1 minute. Add the tomato paste, paprika, and garam masala and cook for 1 minute. Add the tomatoes, honey, to taste (I did about a tablespoon), the cayenne and cook, stirring occasionally, until slightly thickened. Season with salt and pepper, to taste.

Stir in the heavy cream, bring to a simmer and cook until the sauce thickens.

*Note: this makes way more sauce than you'll need. I took my leftover chicken (thighs) that I used as a topping for the pizza, diced them up, and put them into the masala sauce to cook. I added about a half cup of water at this point, and let it simmer gently for 20 minutes. Now we have another dinner option for tomorrow night! 

The Crust

As for the pizza crust, we love Rustic Crust Tuscan 6-Grain as a base. At $4 a crust, it can be a little pricey, but we often have $1 off coupons and we stock up when they go on sale at our local co-op. It's a great chewy, dense crust that can hold a lot of toppings without wimping out on you.

The Toppings

We slathered on two ladles of sauce and spread it around, and then added a really thin layer of mozzarella cheese. Next, we added a thin layer of fresh spinach, roasted garlic, cooked chicken lightly dusted with curry powder, red pepper rings, more mozzarella, and then red onion slivers arranged on top. After about 10 minutes in the oven at 425 degrees, it was bubbly, hot and nice and browned on the edges. Then we ate the whole thing.

Sugar Cookies with Royal Icing

I have tried dozens of sugar cookie recipes over the years, with varying results—too buttery, too flakey, break too easily, too crispy-but these are top notch.  They are both firm and creamy, while still being able be battered with frosting. My friend Colleen provided me with the recipe, and I now share it with you!

Naturally, the cookie that did not require anything but a circle cutter was my favorite. That's right, I play favorites.

Colleen’s Sugar Cookies

1 ½  cups organic butter, softened

2 cups organic white sugar

4 local large eggs

1 teaspoon REAL vanilla extract

5 cups all-purpose flour

2 teaspoons baking powder

1 teaspoon salt

1. In a large bowl, cream together butter and sugar until smooth. Beat in eggs and vanilla. Stir in the flour, baking powder, and salt. Cover, and chill dough for at least one hour (or overnight).
2. Preheat oven to 400 degrees. Roll out dough on floured surface 1/4 to 1/2 inch thick. Cut into shapes with any cookie cutter. Place cookies 1 inch apart on ungreased, non-stick cookie sheets, or preferably atop parchment paper.
3. Bake 6 to 8 minutes in preheated oven. The thicker the cookie, the longer it will take to cook. Try to bake similar shapes together, too, for even cooking. A good indication of “doneness” is a very light browning around the edges of the cookie! Cool completely before removing from the baking sheet, or else you’ll risk breakage!

Now, for the decorating: This recipe makes quite a few cookies, depending on the size of cookie cutters you use. I ambitiously set out to decorate these little buttery bites of deliciousness with royal icing—a hard icing that is traditionally made from softly beaten egg whites, powdered sugar, and sometimes lemon juice is added for flavoring. The result is a gorgeous, shiny and smoothly decorated sugar cookie that looks like a top-notch professional job.

 I did not realize the effort that went into making cookies with this type of frosting—it’s well worth it, just because of the awesome results you get when you stick it out and have patience. But for someone like me, who gets too excited about the finished product and loses patience quickly, just a few cookies decorated in this manner were enough for me. The remainder will be slathered with a delicious buttercream, appreciated for their taste over looks.  

Royal Icing: Ingredients

4 cups powdered sugar, sifted

2 tbsp. meringue powder

5 tbsp. water

Combine all ingredients in the bowl of a stand mixer fitted with the paddle attachment.  Mix on low speed until the icing has a reduced shininess—this takes anywhere from 7-10 minutes. I often don’t see a reduction in sheen, so I mix it until I get bored and am ready to move forward.  Transfer the contents of the mixing bowl to an air-tight container.  

Royal Icing: Directions

Let’s start out with a list of what you will need:
A batch of sugar cookies to decorate
A batch of royal icing (you may need more than one batch, depending on how many colors you use, and how many cookies you decorated)
Icing gel colors – liquid food colorings are likely to affect the consistency of your icing, while gel colors are concentrated bursts of color that don’t add extra liquid
Small airtight containers for each color of icing you plan to use
Spoons
Toothpicks
Disposable pastry bags fitted with small round tips (size 2-3 works best)
Squeeze bottles are also awesome, but I managed without them!

Royal icing is applied in two stages: outlining and flooding. When you whip up your royal icing, it is still far too thick to decorate with easily. Add water, a few drops at a time, until the frosting thins enough to be easily piped from your pastry bag. If your arm starts to shake while applying the piping, it’s too thick. If the icing is oozing from the tip, it’s too thin.  Add water to thin, powdered sugar to thicken.

First, you have to outline each of your cookies with their intended colors. For the ghosts and skulls, I outlined in white.  Each of your airtight containers will hold your various colors. You’ll have to wait for the outline to dry before you can proceed forward. Eat a cookie while you wait. If you’ve made any black frosting, don’t eat it.  It tastes terrible by itself, and I urge you to reconsider decorating tombstones or cauldrons in all black, no matter how cute it looks. Your mouth will thank me later.

After the outlines dry, you can flood the cookies with watered-down versions of the icing and move it around to the different parts of the cookie with toothpicks and spoons. To do this, use a portion of the thicker icing in its airtight container.  Add water, a very small amount at a time—I do a few drops, stir, and hold my spoon up into the air until the icing falls off of it in a steady slow stream. If it’s too thin, the icing will go all over the place. Unfortunately, you’ll only know it’s too thin when you try to flood a ghost, only to have it overflow its piped boundary and go all over your pants. Take a deep breath, eat a reserved cookie, and drudge through until you have them all flooded and you vow to either never do this again, or never decorate your cookies any other way, ever again.

Magical Goal Weight Bracelet

This was posted on the 'ol FB by a friend of mine who found it equally offensive. Here are my thoughts.

Goal Weight Bracelet:  Whaaaaat.

http://www.etsy.com/listing/83048760/goal-weight-bracelet

1. It does not cost $12.95 to send that bracelet through the mail, unless you are transporting it via a horse-drawn chariot.

2. If you are gonna harp on women to lose weight, you shouldn't tag your product "loose weight" because then only other people who don't know how to use the correct spelling of "lose" will find your stupid bracelet. 

3. Also, don't include the correct spelling and the misspelling, it makes you look like a harpy preying on women who are insecure about their weight--oh wait, that accurately describes you. Good job. Continue on, then. 

4. The occasion this is for is listed as weddings. That's especially rude. 

5. Maybe I should wear this bracelet while I take a dump, cause then I will feel like the bracelet's magical powers caused me to "loose" weight (it is inscribed with my initials, you know, making it extra unicorn sparkles special).....  or maybe it was the laxatives I took because I'm still curvy, but now hating myself, to "loose" weight because this bracelet is a fuck all.

6. "Each of us deserves to feel healthy, confident, gorgeous and more energetic."........yes, by not wearing your stupid bracelet that constantly reminds me of how shitty I am at moving more and eating less. Maybe I will weigh less if I just don't wear your ton of ugly on my wrist.

6. I can buy your shit bracelet wholesale for $4 apiece. http://www.dhgate.com/wholesale/toggle+bracelet.html Your $79.97 price tag (oooh, nice pricing scheme, did you go to business school to learn that clever trick?) isn't fooling anyone. This had better be made out of .925 sterling silver that was mined by magical talking chimps, fed to a leopard, and shit out, permanently altering the silver, giving it magical weight loss powers. Or else you're robbing people, and that's not classy.

Moral of the story:  Ladies, save money and buy a shitty, ugly bracelet wholesale so you can feel as shitty and ugly about yourself as that bracelet looks. Or just love yourself for who you are and how you look.

I also reported your ass to Etsy for passing off a wholesale item as a "handmade good."  So there.

Fantasy Job: Community Art Exhibit Owner

Buy/rent a giant warehouse space that has been abandoned and turn it into a community-created art gallery. There would be multiple art themes/installments a year, and the public could come and create something to add to the gallery. For example, have a ginormous room sized water tank and the theme would be to make a boat. You could make a boat and bring it to the pool, or you could pay a small fee/donation to use materials provided by the venue to make your own boat!

Something similar to this was done in the UK in the 90's but it was a one time exhibit.

Wouldn't that be so fun? Each art donation would be photographed, named, and dated, so at the end of the exhibit, makers could come and pick up their "loaned" art pieces.

MCHA Needs Your Help!

The following is a story from the Herald Times that highlights the growing financial issues the Monroe County Animal Shelter is facing.

If you would like to make a donation and don't know what to do, let me know and I can help!

Also, here's a link to the MCHA website in case you have some items you'd like to donate. It hasn't been updated for awhile, but I can't imagine that these items aren't needed all the time.

City of Bloomington Animal Shelter Wish List


GENERAL SHELTER SUPPLIES

• Unscented clay cat litter (non-clumping only, please!)
• Towels and blankets for bedding
• Paper Towels
• Cotton balls
• Liquid bleach
• Kuranda Chewproof Dog Beds (Call 333.MCHA for more info)

SHELTER FOOD

• Purina or better- dry puppy/kitten/adult dog/adult cat food (No food with dyes please!)
• Treats for cats and dogs

TOYS FOR SHELTER ANIMALS

• Nyla brand dog toys
• Hard plastic cat toys
• Kongs for dogs
• Dried catnip

Donations can be dropped off at the shelter during regular business hours:     12-7p.m. T/F 12-5p.m. M/W/Th/S



MCHA Wish List
Updated:   02/29/2008

GENERAL MCHA SUPPLIES

• Wild bird seed (oiled sunflower seeds especially)
• Plastic Storage Containers-medium to large
• Monetary donations
• KIND News sponsors
• CareFresh bedding (for education animals)

For more information, please call 333-MCHA.

Monroe County Humane Association in 'desperate' financial situation
Cuts to programming, staff likely unless Oct. 2 fundraiser is big success

There should be plenty of fun and laughs at the Monroe County Humane Association’s Run for the Animals 5K race, family fun walk and festival Oct. 2, but there is nothing funny about how much the association needs the event to be a smashing success.

“We really hate to put out a desperate plea, but our situation truly is desperate,” said Sarah Hayes, the association’s CEO. “The facts are the facts. We need more funds.”

RELATED: Run for the Animals Oct. 2 to include 5K race, family fun walk, contests, more

Hayes said she hopes the event will raise $20,000 this year, far less than the $28,000 it used to generate but more than the $14,000 it brought in last year.

She said the Run for the Animals event is typically the association’s second-largest fundraiser, behind its benefit auction, which last spring brought in $42,000 — $10,000 less than its goal.

Hayes said that in addition to those two fundraisers taking major hits, donations in general are down about 50 percent from a few years ago.

“If this event does not meet our fundraising goal, we may have to cut staff or programming or both,” she said. “We are a small nonprofit. It’s extremely critical that this event does well.”

Hayes said the Monroe County Humane Association’s $224,000 annual budget this year is 15 percent less than last year’s due to cuts it made to its spay-neuter assistance program, office cleaning and supplies, and staff training and travel to conferences.

“We now clean our own office, and our supplies budget is non-existent,” she said. “We are using the office supplies we have, and if we run out of something we buy it out of our own pockets.”

Hayes said the association has a separate pot of money funded entirely by donations designated to help the animal shelter with expenses. She said that fund, which used to be about $15,000 a year, will be about half that amount this year.

The association has only three full-time staff, who have received just one 2 percent raise over the past three years.

“We are down to the absolute basics,” Hayes said. “Depending on how this event goes, and how much year-end giving we receive, we could potentially be facing a $30,000 deficit by the end of the year.”

Not in jeopardy is the association’s Paws and Claws day camp for children, where kids learn about pets through hands-on activities. It’s actually a money maker for the association.

Hayes said if the association is unable to increase its revenues, it could be facing a bleak future.

“Some humane societies in Indiana have closed down due to lack of funding,” she said. “The Putnam County Humane Society will be closing down very soon.”

Hayes said the association used to pay $30,000 a year to the spay-neuter assistance program, in which it provides vouchers to pet owners who can give them to local vets to offset a portion of the cost to spay or neuter their pets. This year the association could afford to pay only $10,000 to the program.

“That directly affects the number of animals that end up in the animal shelter,” she said. “The animal shelter and humane association have done so much the past few years to bring the intake number of animals to the shelter down, and a big part of that has been the spay-neuter program. If this program is underfunded, I’m afraid we’ll see the shelter numbers start to climb upward.”

When asked why the association cut the spay-neuter assistance program rather than something else, Hayes said, “We have nothing else to cut that would have any significant impact on our budget. Together, all our education programs and our day camp cost under $3,000.”

She added that in years past the association has relied on grants to help fund the spay-neuter assistance program, but the competition for those grants has become highly competitive, and humane associations can’t acquire them two years in a row.

Programs in jeopardy

Hayes said if the Monroe County Humane Association’s financial picture does not brighten, it may have to cut back on the humane educational programs it offers to preschoolers through college students.

“We began charging a minimum $10 donation fee for our education programs, which are normally free, to help offset the cost of transportation,” Hayes said. “But we have seen a decline in requests for these vital programs because groups cannot afford the $10 fee out of their program budgets.”

Also in danger is the humane association evaluation of VIPaws therapy dogs to become certified to be taken into hospitals and nursing homes, and into the Monroe County Public Library so children who are slow or reluctant readers can read books to the dogs.

The association also:

• Rescues animals from pet hoarders, puppy mills and animal fighting rings.

• Provides low-cost vaccinations and microchipping to pets.

• Provides certificates to pet owners, in exchange for $5, on Spay Day each spring that cover the balance of surgery costs to have their pets spayed or neutered by a participating vet.

• Provides animal-themed newspapers to school teachers to use in their classrooms.

• Does local, state and national advocacy work on behalf of animals.

http://heraldtimesonline.com/stories/2011/09/20/pets.qp-6525008.sto

Copyright: HeraldTimesOnline.com 2011   

Foodie Cats

I love that my cats love some of my favorite foods.  Reggie, for example, suddenly becomes a buttery whore for buttered popcorn, and will not hesitate to cut you from upper thigh to ankle to get at a freshly unwrapped, softened stick of butter whilst baking.

You're a fool to believe that I won't get on the table and lick the shit out of that dog's face.

He also loves anything else I'm eating, and if I offer him something I know he will hate, he tends to pretend to eat it out of spite, because how dare I know him better than he knows himself.  Peas with butter and salt? Lick off butter and salt, leave pea behind. Red Vines? Open hard plastic container with teeth (mine are aching just thinking about it), or carry off entire bag of red vines, only to lick them into oblivion and leave them matted to the carpet. And, like a sadistic fuck, he only chews the heads off of animal crackers, too.

What's yours is mine. Not the other way around.

Bitty, on the other hand, is a dainty little princess who has grown accustomed to her diet food (they were both gaining weight so fast on another food we had them on that it became clear that our fur babies were in need of a nutritional intervention); these small grey/brown little pellets of what has to taste of salty chicken balls. She will not take any food offered to her unless it is one of the following:

1. Cool whip or whipped cream
2. Baked! Sour cream and cheddar Lays (she will not eat a regular potato chip, or a full-fat version of sour cream and cheddar chip. Must. Be. Baked.)
3. Junk food cat treats: No organic or all natural here. She wants the junkiest, cheapest treats imaginable, and she prefers them crunchy, but will oblige with some of the soft ones, sometimes. Must be cheese flavored.
4. Plastic. Whether it's covering toilet paper, holding water bottles, or just a chunk on the floor, it must be tasted, and licked incessantly until one of us yells JESUS BITTY STOP LICKING THAT PLASTIC.

Please feed me oil in plastic form. It keeps me young and vib--*HACK HACK VOMIT* Vibrant.

5. Tissue paper. She prefers pink and orange. I guess FDC Yellow #40 reminds her too much of cheddar.
6. Curling ribbon. Hell, any ribbon. I cannot tell you how much "festive joy" I have pulled out of her ass, found dried up in her poop, or yanked out of her throat as it travels into her gullet.
7. Parmesan cheese. Sometimes provolone, but absolutely NOT cheddar.
8. Salsa flavored SunChips. She does not care for the harvest cheddar variety.

Oats and Carrots=Healthy-ish

This is the last recipe from the Thursday night/Friday morning baking bonanza. I was too tired to make these scones that evening, so I woke up early and rushed around like a lunatic to make them fresh in the morning. It was soooo worth it. I often times shy away from scones because I honestly don't think I like them all that much. Dry, dense, crumbly--that's the typical scone I come across and .... ick. If I wanted dry, dense and crumbly, I'd watch a British comedy.

Not a British sitcom.

These are good scone-fascimiles. Dense but light, the tiniest bit sweet, and crumbly MOIST.

Carrot Coconut Scones
adapted from Baked Explorations: Classic American Desserts Revisited

There are multiple steps in this process. I suggest making the carrot puree first, cause it ain't just blended carrots. But first, the ingredients. * for organic ** for local!

2 3/4 cups unbleached all purpose flour
1/2 cup granulated sugar
1/2 cup rolled oats (see, you can make these while making granola!)
1 tablespoon baking powder
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 cup shredded sweetened coconut
1/2 cup (1 stick) unsalted butter, cold and cut into 1/2 inch chunks
1 large egg
3/4 cup buttermilk
1 tablespoon pure vanilla extract
1/4 cup carrot puree
1 egg white, beaten

Preheat oven to 400 degrees F and position rack in the center of the oven. Line a baking sheet with parchment paper (see, aren't you glad you got a whole roll?)

In a large bowl, whisk together the flour, sugar, oats, baking powder, salt and coconut. Add the butter, in chunks, and wash your disgusting, filthy hands before you put them in your scones. Use your fingertips to rub the butter into the flour until the butter is pea sized and the mixture becomes coarse.

In a separate bowl, whisk together the egg, buttermilk, vanilla and carrot puree. Slowly pour the wet into the dry and stir just until all the dry disappears. You'll have to use your hands again to incorporate everything together, but do this as little as possible--the more you mess with it, the tougher the dough gets and you get those nasty dry crumbly icky scones discussed earlier.

The dough will probably be sticky--don't be afraid to sprinkle it with flour, and sprinkle a cutting board/countertop with flour, too.  Roll the dough up, turn it on its end, and flatten it into a disk. It should be about 1 3/4 inches high--I whipped out my tape measure and mine was more like 1 1/4 inches high, and I got some huge ass billowing scones. So do what you can.

Cut the dough into 6 or 8 wedges---I did 8, and the scones were the perfect breakfast size. 6 would be huuggeee. Whisk the egg white with 1 tablespoon of water, and then brush the egg white over the tops of the scones. Do this after you arrange the scones on the baking sheet, duh.

Bake for 18-20 minutes, inserting a toothpick at 18 mins to see if it comes out clean. Mine did. Don't overbake, or you'll get the dry/crumble conundrum.

Transfer scones to a wire rack, cool completely. Place the rack on the baking sheet with the parchment paper, so when you put on your glaze, you don't curse at yourself for getting glaze all up in your kitchen's business. Also, if you put glaze on these while they're hot, it's going to be a mess. So just be patient and WAIT until they're not hot, just gently warmed.

Coconut says, "Hi!"

For the Citrus Glaze:
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
2 tablespoons fresh orange juice
1 cup confectioner's sugar

Whisk all this in a bowl. If it's too thin, add powdered sugar. Too thick, add juice. It just needs to be loose enough to drizzle  (heehee, there's a loose vagina joke here. I'm not going to share it, though.)


Quick Carrot Puree:
1 medium carrot
1/4 cup orange juice

Place the carrot, chopped into several even sized chunks, into a medium glass microwaveable bowl. Cover with a plate or microwave plate cover.

Microwave on high for up to 5 minutes to cook the carrot to fork-tender stage. Pour the juice and carrot into a food processor, blender, or into a cup for an immersion blender (my preferred method). Blend the carrot and orange until smooth, or you can try to mash it with a potato masher until lump free.

I upped the yield on this, and did 3 carrots, 3/4 cups OJ, and cooked. I needed more stuff so it could blend decently in the immersion blender. I had a hard time eliminating chunks in the food processor, so just do the best you can. No worries.